How to help others in the midst of divorce recovery.       Healing the Grief of Divorce One person who grieves the most and generally gets the least support is the divorcee.  Many want to help, but do not know how.  Do you bring food and stay the night like you would a widow? or take them out for fun? or do you introduce them to new people? What is involved in divorce recovery. There isn't any wake to attend to express your sorrow for their loss.  So what is helpful?  How do you pray for someone who is being hit from all sides at once?  The devil may have already exhausted them ... tried to make them perform for their spouse .... or fix their spouse.... or traumatized them with abandonment without warning, jealousy and rejection..... or drown them in anger, resentment and bitterness.  How do you help someone heal from the grief of divorce? Maybe they are fighting temptations to manipulate, retaliate, expose or go into self-pity.  Then self-defense, self-promotion and plain old survival of loneliness and financial loss start looking good.  Its easier to focus on fear and opinions of people when discouragement and confusion set in.  All this, while trying to bless their enemy and take responsibility for their own areas of pride, disobedience, judgments and many more sinful reactions!!  Maybe they are good candidates for a divorce recovery group. If reading about divorce recovery makes you uncomfortable, you may need to receive more of the healing love of Jesus Christ yourself.  Those who know they have been forgiven much, love much.  Whether you need forgiveness, or need to give it, let Jesus give you a vision of His desire to restore every soul.  He died to redeem every bad experience that we have, taking out the pain, leaving the wisdom and making the weak places into our strengths.  Jesus forgives and heals the grief of divorce just like He does anything else. Psalms 107 promises that God is here to deliver us out of ALL of our distresses, whether they are caused by our enemies (v.2), rebellion (v.11), foolishness (v.17) or acts of God (v.24-25) Ps 107:19-20 Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and he saves them out of their distresses. 20  He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions. We can ask God to help us see the other party through His eyes, praying His heart for them, blessing every area of their lives with insight, wisdom, good counsel and true agape love.  We can believe for a complete 100% restoration of their soul.  Women, I highly recommend Stormie OMartian's book, "The Power of a Praying Wife" to keep your heart and focus pure. Here are some helpful specifics to pray for divorcees: Stop feeling responsible for everyone's feelings.  Stop feeling responsible FOR everybody's relationships in the family, for other people's reactions, for their needs, choices or spiritual life!  Don't try to manipulate.  Just be responsible for your responses TO them and for your own recovery from divorce. Stop feeling obligated to everyone.  Fear of people, fear of not being liked, losing approval or fear of not doing enough can cause us to say "yes" when our Heavenly Father said to say "NO!"  Just do what your Heavenly Father says to do and say what He says to say. Don't let let a "spirit of grief" put a cloud of false guilt over your head. Don't overcompensate for divorce with destructive self-sacrifice. Believing the gospel is to receive forgiveness for your part, by grace through faith, not to try to earn it with works!  If you don't feel OK unless you are working your fingers to the bone, STOP! and receive His gift of righteousness: Jesus has died to make you holy and blameless by the blood and cross. 1 Thess. 5:23  And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Rom. 5:17  For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ. Receive that heart of flesh that can receive ministry.  The hard heart may give but will not ask for what it needs.  Plan to share, play, worship and have rich quality time with friends.  Join a Christian divorce recovery group. Get over feeling guilty about healthy habits of stewardship.  You have permission to have quiet time alone, buy quality food, exercise, read and meditate, take courses to equip yourself, to look good, to decrease your stress load and to rest and relax. Living a balanced life is a big part of recovering from an unhealthy marriage or traumatic divorce. Drop the independence and isolation pattern.  Burning out is easy for a one man show.  Ask for what you want and let others be blessed by helping you.  Divorcees need pray for a team of people to help with a big job! Your needs and goals are important to the body.   Spend 20 minutes a day just listening to God, writing down His truth about you.  The enemy plans to erode your worth with lies, but you may understand your worth better after divorce.  Let your Heavenly Father tell you His truth daily.  His heart for you is full recovery, to totally forgive and accept you and to have an intimate relationship with you. Walk forward in faith, love and hope.  God's gifting and calling "is without repentance" so get back into the saddle and resist the spirits of grief, fear and intimidation.  Sow what you want to reap; know you have been forgiven as you forgave. Kick the spirit of grief shame in the teeth: Let us know you and believe with you!  Write us and we will both be healed as we pray one for another. The last thing you need is to immediately develop a relationship with another person who is in divorce recovery. Avoid every temptation to compromise or to enter into the self-deception of trying to get your needs met outside of God's will, way and timing.  Wait for God to heal, deliver and restore before beginning another relationship. Ps 107:28-38, 43 28 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress.  29 He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.  30 They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.  31 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.  32 Let them exalt him in the assembly of the people and praise him in the council of the elders.  33 He turned rivers into a desert, flowing springs into thirsty ground,  34 and fruitful land into a salt waste, because of the wickedness of those who lived there.  35 He turned the desert into pools of water and the parched ground into flowing springs;  36 there he brought the hungry to live, and they founded a city where they could settle.  37 They sowed fields and planted vineyards that yielded a fruitful harvest;  38 he blessed them, and their numbers greatly increased, and he did not let their herds diminish. 43 Whoever is wise, let him heed these things and consider the great love of the LORD. You can request Restoration Prayer Counseling Ministry over a 3-5 day period and vacation in the Ohio Valley too !!